Online dating reviews

From a distance, it looks like water but as you get closer, it is that scorching hot sun and you are going to die thirsty.

I am from pre-online dating era and I was in a steady relationship for over a decade before we took a definite break for a year. This is when I tried online dating, as a distraction from my break situation and to give space to my partner.

As a self growth addict, I tend to have this habit of making every scene in life a chance to learn something. So my focal point was to double this app as a tool where I would meet people, learn and improve myself, as weird as this sounds. If possible, I wanted to experience and tackle rejections. I have always had a curiosity to make myself immune to rejections although I have hardly been through them because I am a content introvert who does not seek out things that I may not really do well in.

Now I am a moderately attractive female of 33, Indian descent and lived outside India.

So I began without any expectations, as in my mind, I am a much older female. I have only been in one relationship prior to that and so was relatively naive in comparison to people my age. But here is what my personal experience has been.

I underestimated the superficiality of the world around me having been in a strictly monoamorous relationship for over a decade. Photos of flexing muscles. What? Why? Cheesy one liners. Why? Calling a stranger Babe was not neccessary. As far as superficiality goes, I seemed to like only people of similar DNA i.e Indians. Especially darker the skin, the more comfortable I felt. I could not see anyone else as attractive or could not connect emotionally. This automatically narrowed my pool down to the recent immigrants in the city I lived. Believe me, less choice was better. Then there was the Superlike. I used the app only when I got Superlikes and they were not less. This definitely boosted my ego. Self growth alert. I was surprised how my pool was full of 20 something Indian men. I had a feeling they also had a certain inclination for the similar DNA thing. I did not know Indian men would show interest in women older than them. That was a surprise. Ego Boost. I admit. I still cannot believe I am 33 and desired by guys in early 20s. This alone is proof that the mainstream idea about attraction is BS. There is no rule to who will like who for what. I only met the perseverant ones to not waste time with men who were faking interest for a ONS. They can do it with someone who wanted it too. But lying wasnt cool. There was definite lying for sex with someone who was clearly not interested in sex alone. You had to constantly dodge that bullet. There was also the case of men whom I liked and could not provide stability but the men who wanted me badly that I did not feel any attraction to. It was surprising to see how Men wanted relationships as much as I did. The ones I met escalated into either relationships or situationships. The one I met up in laundry day outfit ended up becoming the most passionate affair. The one I elaborately got ready for was not impressed. So I liked my no make up, tracksuit self much better now. There were married people in there. But who am I to judge? It was not that difficult to become polyamorous. I liked each one of these guys equally for various reasons. Men’s age had nothing to do with their maturity. I was with a 39 yr old acting like a child playing with instagram filters who was definitely fun and a 26 yr old who liked sitting silently in the riverbank with me for hours watching water moving who was equally fun. There was no definite rule for being a Man. Some were cheap, some volunteered to be Sugar daddies, some wanted to please, some wanted to be pleased, some were dominant, some were submissive. I was overloaded with information, feelings and emotions from the men I met. Burnt out. I heard stories from men about their failed loves and how they became players. I could sympathize. But that was ultimately no reason to become anything you do not want to be. Anywho. Their choice. All these men were looking for a person who will give them unconditional love, lack of judgement. I did as much as I could. The point where this becomes a Mirage is none of us were satisfied. We were constantly tempted by the abundance of options. We could not just stop. There was always someone new. Boredom was inevitable. I could not feel content nor could I give someone that. I am as guilty as everyone else. What started naive became an ego drive, greed filled race to have more, more and more. I started realizing that I did not even need apps. I have always had this non-judgemental attitude, and genuine interest in listening and learning, it was enough if I ask someone how they were and the communication built up. I therefore transitioned from the app to real life. I made conversations with men not with sexual intent but to purely understand them. I met a few guys during my solo travel and have stuck to being overseas friends. They call me from across the sea. It is the best feeling. This online dating rendezvous made me realize my capacity to venture into relationship counseling. More importantly, I learnt to accept rejections and I learned to reject gracefully. By the way, the break came to an end. He wanted me back. He spoke to me in clear and calm words. I could see through his intentions. It was pure. I am back to being monoamorous. Yayyy.

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